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G is for Gross, A to Z Challenge

April 8, 2014

Welcome to the A to Z Challenge! There are plenty of gross things about dogs. Jodi, Kol’s mama, was thinking this when Kolchak Puggle happened to lick her in the mouth. This cutest of all Affenpinscher puppies licks me in the mouth ALL THE TIME. What the heck? GROSS.

Cute Affenpinscher close up
“Mama told you I licked her in the mouth? She’s straight up smokin’ crack. Look at me. Would I DO such a thing? I don’t think so.”

How many of you let your dog lick you? On the face? We’ve never had licky dogs till Chewy. I just think it’s gross. Seriously. But this is the ADD woman with tactile issues speaking.

Aloof Affen
“Seriously. I don’t know why you listen to this woman and her lies. I would never lick anyone in the mouth. I should sue for defamation of character. The nerve.”

When I say there are gross things about dogs, I don’t mean their gaseous side. I have a cast iron stomach. I can clean up after the ickiest accidents. Being licked in the mouth is gross. Being licked in the ear is gross. Being licked anywhere else just tickles.

Haughty Affenpinscher
“If – and I do say if – I were to do any licking of faces, it would ONLY be because said face smells like meat, redolent of my favorite treat, the Bully Stick. That’s a big if.”

And I know that plenty of you are going to disagree with me about the licking thing. That’s okay. But I’m guessing there’s some other behavior that your dog exhibits which you find gross, yes? So let’s hear them!

Snooty Affenpinscher
“None of you can say anything that will shock me or gross me out. Go ahead. Try.”

Some of you will say that it’s gross when your dog eats the tootsie rolls in the litter box. Or cleans up after deer and ducks. My own dogs eat the chicken and duck poo and are fine. It’s all natural, after all. Shoot, if my chickens can eat Jones dog treats, my dogs can clean up after the chickens, right?

Chickens
It’s kinda gross, too, when the girls sunbathe nekkid in the garden.

My brother in law’s Rottweiler used to eat powdered laundry soap. And corn cobs. And the solid pine bunk bed in my brother in law’s room. I’m not sure that was gross, but Bear was an odd dog. Beautiful, but odd.

Eating from the laptop?
Chewy doesn’t eat corn cobs. He barely eats his kibble. I hand feed him. It can’t be that he gets too many treats. And I wonder why he has an attitude …

What else is gross? When I’m fleshing deer hides in the back yard, the dogs eat the little scraps of pickled deer meat I scrape off. For that matter, so do the chickens. Maybe it’s the salt?

Chickens eat deer flesh
Mmm! Tasty after breakfast treat! Deer fat!

Oo! Oo! Here’s something gross – that scoot across the carpet or grass things that dogs will sometimes do. Do you know what that is about? It’s usually either that they need their anal sacs expressed (get your pooch to the vet), or they’re wormy (again with the vet). Or, as our puppy trainer points out, maybe they’re just cleaning their rear end. Any way you slice it, it’s GROSS. G-R-O-S-S.

So! It’s time for breakfast and coffee. Tell me about the gross things your dog does! I’ll be reading from a basement this morning. It’s my second day of jury duty, or another day of waiting to see if they call me for a jury, reading old magazines and doing crossword puzzles! Entertain me, will ya?

Until I write again …

Flea

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